“Our greatness is not in our ability to change the world. It is in our ability to change ourselves.” – Mahatma Gandhi

The emotional toolkit is intended to reinforce the work our clients are doing in therapy at Strength for Change.  It can also be helpful to anyone interested in learning about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and methods for overcoming emotional difficulties. You can scroll to the bottom of the page to download the toolkit in its entirety, which includes the explanation of the concepts presented below, 

We can change our emotional state through five methods: the mind, the body, relationships, the environment, and pharmaceuticals. This Emotional Toolkit provides you with tools for each of these five methods. When you feel anxious, depressed, angry, or some other unpleasant or unwanted emotion, reach into your toolkit, select one or a combination of the tools provided, and use those tools to soothe or counter your bad feelings. It is important to know that no one tool works for everyone and that you will need to try a variety of tools before you find the ones that work best for you.

To maximize the benefit of your emotional toolkit, knowing the following psychological and philosophical concepts will be helpful. These concepts serve as the theoretical framework for understanding the nature of mental health challenges and how the Emotional Toolkit facilitates self-mastery, healing, and recovery. In addition to these concepts, there are other well-researched psychological theories and principles upon which your emotional toolkit is designed.

Healing & Recovery Begin with Self-Awareness – Life is hard! We are certain to face numerous challenges in living a healthy, successful, and happy life. At Strength for Change, we refer to these challenges as The Obstacles to Success and Well-being. There are two types of obstacles with which we must contend. External Obstacles are the life circumstances that cause us great stress and compromise our physical and mental health. Internal Obstacles are the conditions and disorders of the brain that generate thoughts, feelings, and actions that emotionally dysregulate us, override our will and better judgment, compromise our relationships, and impair our lives. To some degree, everyone will experience external and internal obstacles at some point in their life. We need not feel ashamed when this happens to us. To overcome The Obstacles to Success and Well-being, we must first accurately know what they are. This is an essential first step because different obstacles require different tools and treatments to be successfully overcome.

The Autopilot Brain (APB) – The APB is what we think, feel, and do without trying. It is the mindset we are operating out of at any given moment and how we naturally experience and react to the world around us. Some people are lucky, and their APB works well for them. They naturally think, feel, and do what serves their success and well-being. Others are not so lucky, and their APB works against them. They naturally think, feel, and do what compromises their success and well-being. The functioning of our APB and the mindset it generates is determined by genetic and environmental factors (nature and nurture) and the impact of any internal obstacles that may result from them.

Cannot Stop the APB Train – We cannot stop the thoughts, feelings, and actions that pop into our minds. There is no point in fighting against them, trying to stop them, or beating ourselves up over having them. None of that is helpful. The best we can do is change our relationship to what we are experiencing (from anger and shame to self-compassion) and counter our APB with alternative thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Mindfulness – When the APB is working against us, we need an antidote. The antidote is mindfulness. As taught at Strength for Change, mindfulness is what we think, feel, and do intentionally as a matter of focus, choice, and will. When practiced consistently over time, mindfulness reshapes the functioning of the APB. Every tool in your toolkit requires an act of mindfulness. Every time you use your toolkit, you will be exercising the mindfulness necessary to reshape your APB towards a healthier mindset that will improve your life.

Mindset is Everything – Our mindset determines how we experience ourselves, others, and the world around us. At any given moment, we operate out of one of two mindsets. In a primal mindset, we are focused on threats, risks, and what is lacking. As a result, we see things in a problem-focused light, make critical judgments, become emotionally charged, and respond reactively. In a powerful mindset, we are focused on strengths, opportunities, and what is available. As a result, we see things in a solution-focused light, seek understanding, stay emotionally regulated, and respond strategically.  Our mental health is determined by the ratio of the two mindsets we operate out of. The higher our ratio of a primal mindset, the more vulnerable we are to feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, and related mental health conditions. The ratio of the two mindsets is determined by the functioning of our APB.

The Science of Change – Our APB resides in our brain’s center and lower regions. When we practice mindfulness, we exercise the higher regions of the brain, specifically, the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) located on the surface of our brain behind our foreheads. The PFC is known as the executive brain because of the functions it serves, including our capacity for language, critical thinking, problem-solving, organization, emotional regulation, and self-discipline. The more we practice mindfulness, the stronger our PFC becomes. The stronger our PFC becomes, the greater its role in the functioning of our APB, and the higher the ratio of our powerful vs. primal mindset.

The Philosophy of Personal Responsibility – We are not responsible for the nature and functioning of our APB and whatever suffering it causes us. However, we are responsible for overcoming its negative impact on our lives. In other words, we are not responsible for our depression, anxiety, ADHD, addiction, or other mental health conditions, but we are responsible for the consequences of these conditions and for making the necessary changes to live healthier, more successful, and more satisfying lives.

The Science of How Emotions Work – According to the theory of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, “it” (the person, place, thing, situation, or circumstance, either real or imagined) does NOT make us feel bad. We UNINTENTIONALLY make ourselves feel bad because of what we think of it. Thank goodness this is the case because while we might not be able to change it, we can change what we think of it and the resulting bad feelings and reactions.

The Guiding Principle of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – Just because we think it does not make it true. Feelings are not facts. Everyone has a right to an opinion, but not everyone’s opinion is right. The truth will set us free to feel what’s best and do what’s best.

Change is Retrospective – When our APB generates an intense emotional charge, we are at the mercy of our feelings and impulses. This is because when we are emotionally charged, our prefrontal cortex goes offline, and we temporarily lose our ability to be mindful, reason, regulate emotions, problem-solve, and communicate effectively. It is important to keep this in mind as we begin using our emotional toolkit. Initially, we will not be able to apply our tools when we are emotionally charged. Instead, we will have to wait until the emotional charge passes. In this way, change is retrospective. To change our future reactions, we must reflect on our past reactions. Whether it’s a minute, hour, or day, we do the work (apply our tools) after the fact. Over time, we develop the capacity to do the work at the moment of the emotional charge, thus reducing its intensity, duration, and impact.

Self-Mastery – Self-mastery is the ability to feel what’s best and do what’s best. Raising our level of self-mastery, along with healing and recovery, is the goal of therapy and all forms of personal development. With self-mastery, we can regulate our emotions and behaviors, communicate effectively, and override our need for immediate gratification in the pursuit of our values and long-term goals.

There is No Magic – There is no magic in the world of self-mastery, healing, and recovery. No medication or therapy can produce instantaneous or complete results. Self-mastery, healing, and recovery are not an event, they are a process. One that requires consistent effort, practice, determination, and self-compassion in the face of repeated setbacks and relapses of unwanted thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. One that requires the ability to restart the process over and over again, a million times over if need be.

Life on Life’s Terms – To maintain our mental health and live life to the fullest, we must learn to unconditionally accept the things we cannot change, the terms and conditions of life we are completely powerless over. From small to large, this includes things like traffic, poor customer service, bad weather, illnesses, natural disasters, past decisions or adverse events, the death of loved ones, aging, mortality, and, perhaps the most difficult of all to accept, the decisions, attitudes, or actions of OTHER PEOPLE (particularly our own children). To judge, resist, or attempt to control these things is certain to perpetuate and amplify our stress, emotional suffering, and ineptitude.

If you are unfamiliar with these concepts, ask your Strength for Change therapist to discuss them with you. If you are not a client at Strength for Change, seek the services of a Cognitive Behavioral therapist who may be familiar with these concepts and related coping skills (tools).